19 October 2014

My Papaw


This Grandpa it one of the greatest men I have ever had the privilege to know.  He took such good care of my mom, brother, and I our whole lives.  He loves so strong.  He has alzheimers.  It is terrifying.  I cannot imagine many worse diseases in the world.  It completely changes who you are.  This man is not himself anymore and it breaks my heart.  He has been sick for a while, even before Levi was born.  Though I think I will always hold onto some guilt as he took a big turn for the worse when we moved Levi away to Fort Wayne.  Levi used to light up his whole world. (And still does. :))  He stopped by almost everyday to spend time with him, and would make us walk to the mall with him many days a week.  I miss it and wish I were closer.  I wish he could see the kids everyday and that I could help my mom care for him.

I also miss riding only ten miles an hour through the neighborhood in the back of his grey pick up truck.  I miss him preaching sermons to me, no matter how annoying it was.  I miss trips to get ice cream and go to the library.  I miss making chips with melted cheese in the microwave.  I miss the bike rides.  I miss him always needing to check the oil in my car right when I have to leave.  I miss his silly fake laugh.  I miss the light in his eyes.  I miss the man I used to know. I know he is still there, but he is getting harder and harder to find. It is hard missing someone when they are right there.  I love him, and wish he could get better, but know he won't in this life.  Not until Jesus calls him home.  I wish my kids could know the real him, and how much he loves them...beyond words.  
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